Home for the holidays
by TooMuchCaffine
Summary: After a tough case, the team gathers to celebrate the seasons. Yes, I know its May, Christmas is months away. If you need cheering up, read this! The team congregates at Gibbs' house to at least try to enjoy Christmas!
1. Christmas is coming

AN: Okay, after lastnight's craptastic finale, I HAD to write a Christmas fic. Readers need something...cheerier.

* * *

Through the large office windows the first signs of winter were prominent. A silver sheet of fog kissed the ground sparkling with last nights frost. Above the horizon, a band of crimson came up with the late sunrise. Though it was only the first day of winter, the city had already endured subzero overnight lows for a fortnight. The frigged temperatures also brought the premonition of Christmas.

At the Naval Yard, the traditions were unique to each person. Ducky took delight in recitation of Dickens' _A Christmas Carol_ to team who would gather in autopsy of all places to hear the classic tale. The morgue was usually a melancholy place of somber respect, however at Christmastime, it was viewed in a more bittersweet way. A place to remember how short and precious life is, and a reminder of those not with you this Christmas. Ducky always made sure that all his chrome drawers were emptied by Christmas so that each spirit was at peace.

Abby dressed happily as one of Santa's little elves had decorated the entire building with mistletoe, candy canes, ornaments, even decorating a seven foot tree in the bullpen. In addition, each member of the team was given a stocking to each agent decorated with their name in glittery letters. Apart from Halloween, Christmas was Abby's favorite holiday. Even Bert, her beloved flatulating hippo, wore a Santa hat in commemoration of the festivities. And in place of _Led Zeppelin_, all month long she blared Alvin and the Chipmunks, or as Gibbs called it, "munchkins on helium" singing classic Christmas tunes.

In the bullpen, the agents were all feeling lethargic and bored. In spite of drunken parties and icy roads, there hadn't been a case in three days. Which when combined with the free spirited feel of the holidays meant that though he had been late twice this week, Gibbs hadn't so much as slapped a hair on his head. Tony ran quickly to his desk in hopes that his boss hadn't noticed his absence. As he landed in his chair running full speed he suddenly realized, _"My chair has wheels!!"_ By the time he realized this he had already flung himself into the filing cabinets.

"Smooth, Tony..." McGee said trying to contain his laughter as a stapler fell on Tony's head. He had been fortunate enough to capture the whole incident on his camera phone. Technically, he should be more sympathetic to his comrade, however after four years of being "Probie," "Elf Lord," "McGeek," and other tactless names, he felt he deserved this karmic retribution.

"DiNozzo!" a voice called from above, "What the hell are you trying to do?" Tony looked up to see Gibbs standing in front of MTAC with Director Shepard, both trying to stifle laughter at his misfortune.

"Um, boss, or should I say bosses, I didn't want to be late again and I-"

"Where the hell is David?" Gibbs cut him off mid-sentence.

Tony looked across from his desk where Ziva normally sat. Her desk was empty and she was now nearly an hour late. "_Odd, she's been here over a year and never missed work before,"_ he thought.

"I don't know," he said. Off Gibbs' look he quickly added "I'll try her cell." He hadn't even finished dialing when the elevator doors opened. Ziva walked quickly to her desk wearing many layers of clothing and still obviously freezing. They could hear her muttering something under her breath, most likely cursing in Hebrew, through the chattering of her teeth.

McGee broke the awkward silence by asking "Hey, uh, Ziva, are you alright?" She didn't answer. He came up to her and tapped her shoulder. "Ziva, are you okay?" he repeated. This time she turned around. Her skin was pale and her eyes were swollen and bloodshot.

"Well," she started, "the central heating in my apartment is out, there is no electricity because some idiot hit a power stick so my alarm didn't go off and now I am late for work so no, I'm not okay McGee." She looked exasperated and tired.

"Pole Ziva, they're called power poles not sticks" Tony corrected instinctively. Her mistakes were now few and far between but he couldn't resist rubbing her the wrong way.

"Gear up," Gibbs called out before Ziva could admonish Tony for correcting her. "We have a dead Marine of the side of a road near Quantico."

"What is this?" Ziva asked on her way out, indicating the stocking hanging on her desk.

"Oh, it's called a stocking, a Christmas thing. You hang them at Christmastime and people put things in them. Abby's been decorating for the holidays." Tony explained on the way to the car

"What do our feet have to do with baby Jesus?" she asked. "In fact, what do Christmas trees, presents, flying reindeer, snowmen, or any of this have to do with Christianity?"

Tony and McGee exchanged glances, neither one coming up with an appropriate answer.

* * *

Ziva reached up from the back seat, adjusting the heater to the highest setting. Tony slapped her hand away, returning the knobs to their original setting, "Its fine the way it is, Ziva." he told her, fighting off her persistent fingers, "Ziva! Leave it!" he sighed, knowing that this was a fight he wouldn't win, she turned it up again, angling the blowers to reach the back seat, "Fine. The driver's will means nothing. I submit to the backseat driver!"

"Stop being so melodramatic!" Ziva snapped, annoyed by his attitude, "Besides, how can I drive from the back seat?"

"Its an idiom," McGee explained, "Its a way of saying that someone is trying to control the driver with instructions, or in your case, fiddling with the heater." he always made it a point to try to correct Ziva's English before Tony had a chance. All too often she would get an idiom right, only to have Tony make her think she got it wrong.

"I am freezing, Tony," she sighed, "Turn it up, please?" she tried the polite approach, not that it would do any good with Tony of all people, the man who took pride in his ability to belch the alphabet

He looked at the knobs, "Its as high as it will go." he glanced in the rear view mirror, examining his partner with a critical eye, "You okay back there?"

"Yes," she insisted, "I am just not used to the cold." she gazed out the window at the passing snow-covered scenery, only able to watch it for a moment before her stomach threatened to upturn, "Tony, pull over!" she demanded

"Why?"

"Do it!" she snapped, "Tony pull this car over, now!"

He didn't need to be told again, not wanting to know what she would do to him if he disobeyed. The car hadn't even slowed to a complete stop before she threw open the door and ran for the privacy of the woods nearby. McGee ran to follow her, but Tony held her back, "Trust me, probie. One: you probably don't want to be around her right now. Two: if she sees you looking at her like there's something wrong with her, she'll probably shoot you."

McGee nodded, knowing Tony was probably right. He usually was, though his methods were unconventional, and he had a unique way of putting things. But he still felt like he should be there for her right now, seeing as she was probably very sick. "You think she's okay?" he peered through the foliage, trying to see where she ran off to, "She did seem kinda pale this morning."

"Probably just got a cold or the flu," Tony shrugged, "She's gonna be fine once we go on leave for the holidays. A little R&R will do her good."

Ziva stumbled back, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. She looked ahead to see Tony and McGee standing out in the snow on the roadside, watching her with concern, "I am fine!" she assured them, "I think it was that sushi Tony bought us last night."

"You know, I did feel a little green after eating the unagi," McGee noted, following the others back to the car, chivalrously holding open the back door for Ziva

"Unagi's freshwater eel," Tony pointed out, "Not exactly kosher. Ziva didn't eat that stuff." he started up the engine, "Besides, I feel fine, and I ate more than any of you. I've got an iron gut. Admit it David, you're sick. Don't breathe on me," he warned her, "I don't want any bug that's brave enough to attack you."

Ziva leaned forward in her seat, licking his cheek, "There. I did not breathe on you." she sat back, smiling smugly. McGee laughed in his seat, enjoying Tony's look of horror.

Tony rubbed at his cheek furiously, "Not funny, Ziva! Not to mention unsanitary!" he wiped his hand on McGee's coat, "You're one sick chick, Ziva!"


	2. Kids at Christmas

Gibbs grabbed his gear out of the trunk, sighing as he heard a high pitched squeal coming from behind him. His team; a group of highly trained federal agents, one of whom was a Mossad liaison, was having a snowball fight. Tony ducked, letting a large clump of white miss his head by inches. He returned fire on McGee, who was hit head on. Gibbs shook his head "Hey!" he barked, "This is a crime scene, remember?" while he understood the infectiousness of the holiday spirit, now was not the time.

McGee smacked Tony one last time, "You started it." he muttered under his breath

Gibbs rolled his eyes, smacking both of them, "I'm finishing it. What took you so long?" he asked Tony

Tony took a second to rethink his answer, seeing the look Ziva was giving him, "Got lost, boss; some of the roads were closed. You know, snow packs." he explained, "That and Probie's navigational skills, way to go, McWeeblos."

"I told you, this address isn't on the map," McGee defended, "This place doesn't exist!" he looked around the heavily wooded lake. The entire landscape was encased in white. Icicles hung from the arbors above, framing the frozen lake below. It would have been a beautiful sight if not for the crumpled remains of a Jeep against a tree trunk nearby.

"That is because in about three months, all of this will be underwater," Ziva told him knowingly, "Look around, all of the trunks disappear beneath the ice. This area is a marsh, and happens to be frozen solid. There is no road here, or any man made structure. That is why your map says it does not exist."

Tony walked out, carefully stepping along the edges of the lake, "You sure this is safe?"

"It'll all thaw out before we can finish this up if you don't hurry up. Its as safe now as it's likely to get," Gibbs said, tapping at the ice, "Be careful."

"If you say so..." Tony continued to skirt the edge of the water, not trusting Gibbs quite enough to risk it. He continued to tip-toe toward the vehicle, clinging to the trees, just in case, "Easy, easy..." a loud sneeze startled him, making him jump, "Jeez, Ziva!" he glared at her, "You trying to kill me?"

She smirked, blowing her nose on a handkerchief, "I am sorry, Tony. Do my bodily functions bother you?"

"_You_ bother me, Ziva." he told her

McGee rolled his eyes, not really in the mood for more of their antics, "Can we just get this done and over with?" he was ready for the holiday break six months ago. Now that it was approaching, it seemed to take longer and longer to finally come.

"DiNozzo, sketch. McGee, bag 'n' tag." Gibbs ordered, "Ziva, you're waiting in the car. I will not have you throwing up all over my crime scene."

Ziva protested, "I just sneezed, Gibbs! I am not throwing up, and will not contaminate your crime scene. Do you not think I am capable of keeping myself under control?" she was exasperated, losing the argument before it started. She stared defiantly at him, trying to maintain her composure.

Gibbs whispered in her ear, "Do you think I'm getting that old, Ziva? I can smell the puke, you're pale as death, and from the looks of it, you can barely stand. Wait in the car, turn on the heater, and listen to some music. We'll be done quick."

* * *

Giving a defeated sigh, she returned to the car, which was thankfully still warm. She kept the radio off, knowing all she would be able to hear would be annoying Christmas Carols. The started right after Thanksgiving, and hadn't stopped since. She sunk back in the seat, grateful for the warm, dry air blowing into the car. Ducky tapped on the window, startling her a little, "Are you alright, dear?" he opened the door, sitting in the seat beside her, "I don't suppose you're doing very well, or Jethro wouldn't have you in here instead of working the scene." he felt her brow, confirming his suspicions, "I must say, I think he made a wise choice."

"He usually does," Ziva sighed, "That is what makes him so irritating!"

Ducky chuckled, his laugh warming her in spite of the cold air, "I couldn't agree with you more, my dear!" he handed her a cough drop, "That will help your throat, if only temporarily. Not the most tasty piece of candy you'll ever eat, but they do help"

"Thank you," she gazed out the window, watching the team work. McGee was talking to Gibbs, flipping through his notes. She couldn't tell what he was saying, but based on the slap she saw Gibbs give him, it wasn't important. "I think they are nearly done." she noted, watching them pack things up

"Yes, Jethro said the body was pinned in such a manner that I can't do anything until we get the car back with us," he looked up the ridge, seeing a tow truck approaching, "Ah, right on time! We'll be back before you know it," he assured her, "Then you can get some rest, and hopefully be able to enjoy your holidays."

She smiled, "I hope so," her eyes searched the scene again, feeling that something was amiss. Beside her, a cell phone began to ring. It was Tony's; he must have left it behind. She chose not to answer it, recognizing the number as from Leonardi's Pizza, probably telling him his order for lunch was ready, "Ducky, where is Tony?" she looked over at the Jeep, noticing Tony's absence

He looked around, "I don't know. Curious, where did the boy get to?"

Ziva got out, looking in all directions, "Tony?" she called

Ducky got out as well, "Ziva, don't worry, I'm sure he's around somewhere. Get back inside where its warm," he urged, "I don't want you to catch your death of pneumonia!"

She ignored Ducky's concerns, walking up to Gibbs. "Didn't I tell you to wait in the car?" he asked, not angry as much as he was annoyed that she disobeyed a direct order

"Yes." she told him, not caring "Gibbs, where is Tony?" she held up his phone, he left it in the car, and someone called." she looked around, her concern growing with each passing minute

He looked over at the Jeep, "DiNozzo?" he called, "Tony, get over here!" Ziva sighed in exasperation. They were wasting time. She ran off toward the Jeep, "David, get back here!"

Ziva cursed under her breath, not finding him. The only sign she could find was his sketch pad near the back bumper. She flipped through his sketches. He was a good artist, and had an eye for detail. Every sketch was precise, detailed, and lifelike. Deciding she'd wasted too much time, she threw the pad to the ground. Through the ice under her feet, she saw something moving below the glacial waters.

"Tony!" she called, feeling stupid for having done so. There was no way he could hear her. She circled the Jeep, trying to find the opening in the ice. The hole was a few feet from where she'd found his sketch pad. Without thinking, she dove down into the icy water.


	3. Know what mistletoe is?

AN: Being Jewish, I have a slightly biased view of Christmas. Sorry!

* * *

Gibbs turned around, hearing a splash from behind him. He turned just in time to see Ziva's feet disappear through the hole in the ice. He cursed, "Damn it, Ziva!" he ran after her, "What the hell are you thinking?!"

He moved a large chunk of ice aside, clearing the hole. He couldn't see where she'd gone to, but he could see the silhouette of a man beneath him. Reaching down into the arctic water, he felt the sleeve of someone's coat. Pulling up, he hauled an unconscious body to the surface. The man wasn't Tony.

A voice yelled from the back seat of the Jeep, "Hey, boss! Have you seen my sketch pad?" Tony poked his head out the window, "It was right on the hood, and now I can't find it." he looked down at the team, gathered around a large crack in the ice. This couldn't be good.

Gibbs swore loudly, "Damn it, Ziva!" he examined the body he'd pulled from the water. He knew that even with proper medical attention, this man was long gone. "Where the hell did she go?" he watched a shadow moving under him. She was headed the wrong way, swimming farther away from the gap. She'd already been down over a minute, and wouldn't last much longer. Tapping the ice, he traced a path with his hands, leading her back to the opening.

She finally found her way back, gasping for breath, "Gibbs, I couldn't find him!" she took a deep breath, diving down again

"No, Ziva!" Tony ran over, jumping into the hole after her

"Is everyone on this team deaf? Stupid? Both?" Gibbs threw up his hands in exasperation, "Why won't anyone listen to a damn thing I say?"

Tony surfaced quickly, hauling Ziva out with him. She was barely conscious, all color gone from her skin. He dragged Ziva out across the ice, pulling her away from the fragile opening in the ice, "Gibbs, she's barely breathing," he panted before passing out

McGee lay Tony out on the ice, checking his pulse and breathing. Ducky blew several breaths into Tony's lungs, while McGee pounded on his chest, "Come on, Tony!" McGee breathed, "Call me 'Probie', insult my masculinity, mention a dumb movie, anything!" he begged.

Finally, Tony began to gasp and cough. He looked around, at first not recognizing the landscape around him. The sight that caught his attention was that of Gibbs grabbing Ziva tightly, trying to force water from her lungs, "Ziva, you okay?" he managed, his voice trembling and weak

She nodded bleakly, spewing water up. Gibbs wrapped his jacket tightly around her, "McGee, get paramedics here, now!" he ordered, "Ducky, let's get them in the car where its warm, and out of these wet clothes."

Ducky nodded in agreement, "I think you'll need to help the poor girl up, she's stopped shivering already; we need to get her warmed immediately." he pulled Tony up, draping his arms over his shoulders, "Come, Tony. Let's get you in where its warmer." slung between Ducky and McGee, they carried him off

Gibbs picked up Ziva, carrying her over and setting her down on the hood of the car. He held up a blanket, creating a shield from wandering eyes, "Strip down," he ordered, "You can't stay in those wet clothes for too much longer without freezing to death."

Slowly and reluctantly, she obeyed. Her fingers seemed unwilling to follow her commands, struggling with the buttons and zippers that adorned her clothing. With a little difficulty, she finally made it down to her undergarments. "There. Done," she told Gibbs, her voice shaking, "What do I change into?"

"Nothing," Gibbs told her, "We don't have any spare clothes. We didn't plan on you two going swimming. Come here," he wrapped the blanket around her several times, trying to lock in as much warmth as possible. He picked her up, carrying her to the car, "Medics will be here soon, stay put!" he ordered, though that didn't exactly work last time

She nodded, curling up in the back seat. She could feel the icicles forming in her wet hair, "Where is Tony?" she asked, worried

"Right here," a trembling voice said. He too was wrapped in a blanket, likely wearing nothing underneath. Ducky helped ease him in beside Ziva, "Hey, is it cold in here or is it just me?" he joked. The others were not amused

Ducky sighed, "You're both lucky to be alive. One can only survive about three minutes in water that cold." he placed a thermometer under Ziva's tongue, "Keep that there, dear." the thermometer read only 91.5, adding to Ducky's concern, "Oh, good heavens! Timothy, how far away are the paramedics?"

McGee wandered over, carrying an armload of supplies, "About three minutes. Here, I've found some extra blankets and some snacks," he threw another blanket over each Tony and Ziva, "Is the heater on?" he asked worriedly

"Yeah," Gibbs checked, making sure it was on the highest setting, "Its as high as it'll go."

Ducky sat down beside them, closing the door behind himself, "Here, lets try to keep the heat in, shell we?" he pulled Ziva into his arms, "With your illness, I don't think going for a swim was wise, dear. Let's hope you will warm up quickly." he rubbed his hands along her arms, trying to get her warmed up

Tony took his temperature, slightly better at 93.2. Gibbs threw open the door, clearly not happy, "Medics are here. Ziva, Tony, you're going with them." he helped them out of the car, both tensing at the feel of the chilled air, "Ducky, they're going to Bethesda, I want you to go with, and keep me posted." he lead the two agents over into the paramedics' capable hands

"Duly noted, Jethro," he closed the doors of the ambulance behind him

* * *

Ducky entered the room quietly, not knowing if the two agents were sleeping or not. Ziva sat up in bed, clutching a mug of hot tea tightly, taking small sips. Tony lay back in a chair at her bedside, robed in a half-dozen blankets. They seemed cold and quiet, but better than they were an hour ago. "Its good to see that you two are doing alright." he smiled, taking a seat beside them, "Everything alright?"

"Yes," Ziva nodded, "We can go home in an hour." she coughed a little, making Tony and Ducky uneasy, "I am fine!" she insisted

Gibbs handed each of them a cup of coffee, "Here, that'll warm you to your bones. My own brew; it could peel the paint off a car, but its damn good coffee."

Tony eyed the cup curiously, disdainfully swallowing a few sips. He didn't mind the taste, as long as it was warm, he didn't care, "Good coffee, boss." he smiled forcefully

The door flew open quickly, knocking over a coat rack near the doorway. A black blur was all Tony could see before he was crushed beneath a very worried Goth, "Tony! What were you thinking? You had the plague, but that wasn't enough to have us worry about. You had to go diving in a frozen swamp?" her arms flailed comically, "And you," she turned to Ziva, "You've got the flu, you could have drowned, or you could have caught pneumonia!" she enveloped Ziva in a tight hug, "No more, its almost Christmas. It should be a happy time, not a time of hospitals."

Ziva struggled against Abby's grip, but to no avail. She only clung tighter, preventing movement or breathing, "Abby, I need to breathe!" she gasped

"Sorry," she quipped, "Ducky, are they okay?" she felt each of their foreheads, worried

"They're okay," the doctor told them, laughing from the doorway, "Ziva's got the flu, and she tells me she had that before all of this. And Tony's prior encounter with the plague complicates things a bit. They should both fully recover, once they get warmed up. But they should have someone stay with them, just to make sure they don't get sick."

"You're staying with me," Gibbs told them, "I want to keep an eye on you two." he didn't want to see another team member put in the ground. He couldn't go through that again, especially not at Christmas

"Yay!" Abby cheered, "We can have Christmas at your place, Gibbs! We can put up a tree, stockings, make fruitcake..." she smiled, seeing Gibbs' reaction to the word 'fruitcake', "well, maybe not fruitcake, but we can make cocoa, drink eggnog until we're good and drunk, and set out cookies for Santa..."

"Santa's not real, Abbs," McGee informed her, sad to burst her bubble

"I know, McGee. Unless Santa could go down 1500 chimneys a second, there's no way he could deliver all the toys in one night." she told him, "And, the odds of a reindeer flying, not that high."

"Ducky? Do I have a fever?" Ziva asked, "Why are they talking about flying reindeer, and chimneys, and what is a 'fruitcake'?" delirium was the only logical explanation for what she was hearing. She rubbed her temple tiredly

Ducky chuckled warmly, "You do have a bit of a temperature, dear. But you're not hearing things. Christmas has always been a holiday of traditions, both conventionally religious and just plain absurd." he didn't expect her to understand American Christmases. There was really no explanation for a lot of it. "Much of it is commercialization and materialism."

"I'll have to show you _my_ favorite tradition, Ziva," Tony grinned, "Know what 'mistletoe' is?"


	4. Crazy drunken old guy in a onesie

AN: Sorry for the slow update...again. Just letting you know, the disturbing description of Santa Clause comes from one of my former classmates, a former member of my synagogue. Credit goes to Erin!

* * *

Ziva hauled herself out of her bed, barely making it over to the trash bin before her stomach retched. She was really getting sick of this; this was the third time this morning she'd thrown up, and she hadn't even eaten anything. Rinsing out her mouth, she lumbered over lazily back into her bed. It was still dark out, not that that meant much this late in the year. She figured she'd at least try in vain to get in another hour or two of rest before Gibbs came to take them home.

"Hey, Ziva?" Tony knocked on her door when he was already half-way through the doorway, "You awake?" he reached over to turn on the light, but thought better of it considering that she was probably still resting

"Unfortunately," she groaned, feeling the stinging pain return to her throat as she spoke. The sensation was a bit like someone had shoved a bottle brush down her throat, right before she drank orange juice, "What do you want?"

He sat down beside her on the bed, feeling her brow which was covered in sweat and red hot, "Whoa there, you're burning up!" he hit the call button next to the bed, "Ducky's here. He's gonna give us a ride. Well, maybe not you; you're not looking too good..." he meant that in the most loving way possible, but she really did look like hell

"I did not sleep well, I am just tired," she insisted, trying to sit up, fighting the violent urge to hack up her lungs, "We can go now, yes?" if terrorists, criminals, and stress didn't kill her first, her stubbornness would be her downfall

"Well, we'll see," one of the nurses came in, flicking on the lights. Ziva moaned, using her wafer thin pillow to shield her eyes from the light, "Oh, come on! It's not that bright...everything okay in here?"

"Yes, Tony hit the button accidentally," Tony tried to object to her fabrication, but her fingernails digging into his thigh, painfully close to his groin told him to hold his tongue, "Everything is fine. May we leave now?"

The nurse seemed a bit skeptical, handing Ziva a thermometer, "Let's get your vitals, and go from there, shall we?" Ziva slipped it in her mouth, letting it rest on top of her tongue, "Well, your temperature's 98.2, so no fever...let's get your BP."

Tony shot Ziva a look that could break glass. They'd always had this ability to communicate with each other without words, using only their eyes. It came in handy at times like this,

"_What the hell is wrong with you? If you need to stay in the hospital, its not the end of the world! If you don't, it might be the end of your life..." _Tony communicated to her

"_It is my health and my concern, Tony! I will rest. Once I am out of here, I will take it easy. However I refuse to stay in this sanitary hell any longer than is necessary!" _she countered

The nurse watched the two of them, not quite sure what to think, "Okay...um, you two done?" they both stopped their non-verbal feud. At least for the moment, "Your vitals are okay. So I'm gonna say you can go home, but I want you to stay at home, drink plenty of fluids, get some rest, and try to get better. I don't want to see you back here. And Mr. DiNozzo? You're free to go too, just be sure to pick up your medication from the pharmacy."

* * *

They found Ducky sitting out in the waiting room, patiently waiting for them, "I was beginning to worry that they would keep you longer!" he stood up and stretched a bit, "I've been going a bit batty out here; all there has been on the television for the last hour is some deranged children's show about a talking sponge!" Tony chuckled a bit; sitting through an hour of _Spongebob_ wasn't something he'd wish upon his most heinous enemy. Perhaps they should use that at Gitmo for interrogation? A few hours of that and bin Laden himself would crack.

"Well, maybe they should have kept us longer?" Tony nudged Ziva deliberately as they walked, causing her to stumble into the wall, "because maybe someone is sick?"

"Anthony, watch your step! Careful not to trip over each other's feet!" Ducky held the door open, letting them into the car, which was about as cozy as an ice box, "We've had enough in the way of mishaps already. Good heavens its cold this morning!" he started up the car, setting the heater as high as possible, "There we go. That will warm up in a few minutes, will the two of you be alright back there until them?" he was a bit worried that being in the cold car would aggravate their conditions

"I will be." Tony told him confidently, "Don't know about her though," he pointed to Ziva, who was shivering in her seat, "She might freeze solid by then, if she doesn't boil herself from the inside first." he knew she'd hate him for all of this, but for now all he cared about was her well being

"Ziva, why don't you come up here? You might be better off riding shotgun." he pulled over long enough for her to come up front, "Interestingly enough, the term 'riding shotgun' came from the Old West..."

* * *

The cold blast of air that hit them upon opening the car doors was almost too much to handle. The bitter wind whipped at their faces, leaving their skin numb and red. Thankfully, it was only a short walk to the front door.

The entryway to the house was pleasantly warm; they could hear the warm crackle of the fire in the living room, and the whole house seemed to glow with the warmth of it. Gibbs ran down the stairs to greet them, "You're late!" he chastised, "DiNozzo, you're in the guest, down the hall there across from the kitchen. Ziva, you're upstairs in the Master bedroom, its the only door up there that isn't a bathroom."

"Where will you be sleeping?" Ziva asked, grateful for his hospitality, but not wanting to kick him out of his own home

"Couch," before they could open their mouths to protest, he interrupted them, "Trust me; I've been married enough, and pissed off my wives enough, that sleeping on the couch doesn't bother me a bit. Now both of you, go to your rooms and unpack. Tony, you can hop in and take the first shower." Tony let out a silent shout of victory, "But Ziva gets a bath first."

Ziva grinned at him, darting her tongue out at him. Tony happily returned the favor. "Oh, come now! You don't want to be naughty little children, do you? After all, Santa comes tomorrow night!" Ducky laughed warmly, "You know what he does with naughty little children!" he chided

"What _is _a Santa?" Ziva asked

"He's a crazy drunken old guy, who wears a onesie, breaks into your house at night, and eats your food," Tony told her, "Most people think he's an urban legend, but I've seen him, Ziva! I've even got pictures!" he held up a Christmas card from years ago that he procured from his jacket pocket. The image was one of a little Tony DiNozzo, no older than eight, sitting in a department store Santa's lap, listing off the things he wanted, "And yeah. He's a pedophile!"

Ziva stared at him, completely aghast, "What?!"


	5. What do you want for Christmas?

Ziva was nearly asleep, her head resting on the edge of the tub. The warm water helped sooth the aches that plagued her body, but also helped to relax her to the point where she could barely stay awake. She kept telling herself that she would only stay in a little longer, for fear of drowning, but she didn't want to get out and face the cold chill of the house.

She could hear Gibbs' voice from downstairs, bellowing, "Ziva! You've been in the tub for two hours! Dinner's almost done!" not really wanting to hear it, she let her head fall into the water just enough to plug her ears

A few minutes later, Ducky slipped into the bathroom, knocking in the doorway, "Sorry to interrupt your bath, dear." he piled a few towels on the counter, "These are fresh and warm from the dryer. I thought you might like something clean to dry off with. Jethro rarely does laundry, so don't get used to the luxury of clean towels." he chuckled, "Dinner just came out; we're having beef stew. I would advise getting out before yours gets too cold. Its good hot, and tolerable cold, but lukewarm stew is absolutely dreadful!" he left quietly, leaving her to bathe in privacy

Groaning, she sat up and reached to pull the drain. Suddenly dizzy, she lay back again, letting her vision come back into focus. "_Maybe just another minute..."_

* * *

A cool spray of water hit Ziva in the face. The shower had been turned on and the stream was aimed directly at her. She jumped up, startled. She hadn't realized that she'd fallen asleep, "Stop it! I am awake already!" the water changed from cool to hot very quickly, much to her discontent, "Turn off the water!"

The curtain pulled back, "Ziva? You're still in here? Get out!" Tony tossed her a towel, "I've been waiting for like three hours, I'm getting a shower, whether you're in here or not!" he stripped down, getting under the stream, "Stay or go, your choice!"

Ziva looked a him with disgust, climbing out as fast as she could. She resisted the strong urge to take a peek. She's seen it all before, but still...Tony closed the curtain behind her, content to have the shower to himself. Just for spite, on her way out the door, she flushed the toilet. She lingered near the door just long enough to hear the screams, "Ah! Ziva! Not funny!"

She strongly disagreed

* * *

She barely made it to her room, Gibbs' room actually, before collapsing on the bed. She felt boneless and drained, not wanting to do anything more than just lie there until noon the next day. She could hear footsteps outside the door. Seeing as she was wearing only a towel still, she quickly covered herself with some of the blankets.

Gibbs pushed open the door, peering in cautiously. He was beginning to worry about her, "Ziva? You awake?" he set a bowl of reheated stew and a cup of water down on the nightstand. Slipping an arm around her middle, he helped her to sit up. He handed her a little cup of medicine, "Here, drink that. It should help."

She pushed the cup away, "Gibbs, I do not need or want it. I think the bath did me good. I am no longer wheezing and my fever is gone." not buying it, he felt her brow, which was hot enough to cook an egg on, "Alright, I feel like hell." she admitted, "But I am not drinking that."

"Oh, yes you are!" Gibbs captured both her wrists in one hand, pinning her arms high above her head. With his free hand, he balanced the cup while pinching down on her nose. He knew she wouldn't be able to hold her breath for long, at least not if she was ill, and when she opened her mouth to breathe, he poured the thick purple syrup down her throat. She sputtered and gagged a bit, making him feel a bit guilty about forcing it on her, "Trust me. You'll be grateful for it when you're better in a few days instead of spending the holidays in a hospital."

She guzzled the glass of water, desperate to get the taste out of her mouth, "It tastes like boot polish!" she protested, gargling the water in her mouth, trying to wash away the taste. She sighed, lying back on the soft bed. Experience told her that the medication would probably put her to sleep before long.

"And how exactly do you know that?" he laughed. This was one of those things that simply had to have a story behind it

"I spent two years in the Army. Just like in your military, there are certain initiations, or in my case, punishments for unsubordination. Some are less pleasant than others." she smiled a bit, remembering the rather embarrassing moment when her commanding officer forced her to brush her teeth with boot polish for talking back at him

Gibbs grinned, "Bet that was fun." he handed her the bowl, "Here, eat up. You haven't eaten all day, you're going to need some nutrition if you want to get better."

She sat up, pulling the blankets around herself to hide her naked form, "Thank you." she took a few bites before putting the bowl back on the nightstand, "It is good."

"You need to eat more than that, Ziva," Gibbs handed it back to her, but she promptly refused

"If I try to eat any more, I will not be able to keep down what I've already eaten." she insisted, "Thank you, Gibbs. For everything."

"Okay," he gathered up the dishes and medicine, "When you get hungry, there's plenty of food downstairs. Help yourself."

* * *

Tony toweled off, wandering upstairs to the Master bedroom. He knew he should give Ziva her space, especially if she wasn't feeling well, but he wanted to check up on her. He peeked inside, "Hey, Ziva? You awake?" he called softly.

Hearing no answer, he let himself in. The room had an almost tropical feel to it; it was warm, humid and dark. But to his sick partner, it was probably quite comfortable, "Hey, I'm sorry about the shower thing." he sat on her bed, "Feeling any better?"

"Go away, Tony," she growled. Her body was draped half-way over the edge of the bed. He gently rolled her over, back toward the middle, "I just want to sleep..."

He noticed the trash bin by the bed was full of bile, "I take it dinner didn't stick with you?" she shook her head, "The I'm guessing your medicine didn't either?" he felt her warm brow, "Nope. You know what?"

"What?" she mumbled, not really wanting to be bothered

"I think you're sick." he wrapped her tightly in the covers, "I'll run downstairs, and get you some Tylenol, okay?" he was gone before she could protest.

* * *

He returned quickly, pills in hand. The first thing he noticed was Ziva's absence. A few seconds later, she reappeared from in the bathroom, wiping at her mouth. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had just happened. He handed her a tall glass of milk, "Here, did you take that medicine with food before?" he asked

"A few bites of that strange stew," she swallowed the pills, draining the glass in a few gulps, "I did not think Gibbs could cook, and that...abomination confirmed it."

"I liked it." Tony told her, a bit offended by her dismissal of what he thought was a nice diner, "Your senses are a bit off though. It happens when you're sick," he raised his hands, cutting off her protests, "And yes, you are sick."

She groaned, "So what if I am? Am I not allowed?"

"You're allowed, but I don't like it," he turned off the light so she could rest, "Tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Everyone's coming over to decorate, make cookies, all that jazz." the more he thought about it, the more he was looking forward to it. He hadn't actually enjoyed Christmas in a very long time, "And of course there's presents, cheesy holiday specials, and of course, nice hard eggnog."

Ziva laughed, "That is just what we need. Drunken Federal Agents burning down the kitchen on Christmas Eve. I suppose that would keep away the fat, jolly, pedophile gift bearer, yes?"

"Yeah," he laughed, "Sleep tight Ziva. Watch out, Santa's watching you..." he began to sing quietly under his breath on his way out, in a slow haunting monotone, "_He sees you when you're sleeping...he knows when you're awake..."_

The tune sent shivers down Ziva's spine. "Tony!" she grabbed her pillow and tossed it at him. It landed a few feet shy of the target, landing in the doorway, "That is incredibly creepy, stop it!"

"Heh, sorry." he actually was; he knew he should be a bit more merciful to her, considering she was ill. Tormenting those less fortunate hardly embodied the Christmas spirit. He returned her pillow turned projectile, "You need anything?"

"No, just sleep." she lay back, closing her eyes, "What do you want for Christmas Tony?"

He thought about it long and hard. By the time he'd come up with anything resembling an answer, she was already sound asleep. Honestly, he didn't want anything for Christmas. What more could he possibly want? He had a nice apartment, expensive clothing, possibly every movie known to man, and better yet, indisputable friendship. What else could you ask for? "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."


	6. Christmas classics

AN: Sorry for the long gap between updates, hopefully it was worth the wait. Please excuse my butchering of the English language, I finished this chapter at four am, when I had a fever of 103, so I wasn't in the best state of mind.

* * *

Ziva tiredly sat up, debating with herself whether or not to get up. As much as she wanted to get up and do something, her body seemed to be protesting anything other than sleep. She found her cell phone under her pillow, and checked the time. Panicking a bit, she hauled herself out of bed. It was already past noon; she'd never slept in that late before.

She winced as her feet touched the icy hardwood floors beneath her. Deciding she would get dressed later, she ran downstairs in her pajamas. Much to her surprise, she nearly ran into Gibbs on the landing, "I was just about to come looking for you. Sleep okay?" he asked

"Yes, but a bit longer than I had expected," she told him, brushing his hand away as he felt her brow, "Yes, I know I have a fever. I will take something later."

"Okay," Gibbs walked down the hall to the guest room, knocking loudly on the door, "DiNozzo! Its after noon already, get up!" he turned to Ziva, "Can you get him up?" he knew full well that she _could, _but he figured she would enjoy rousting Tony from his sleep

"With pleasure, Gibbs!" she grinned

* * *

Ziva walked in silently, not even the creaky wooden boards gave away her presence. Her stealth was a trait she'd always been thankful for. She lingered in the shadows, crouching down beside Tony's bed. He had a small circle of drool on his pillow, growing larger as he snored. "_Disgusting!"_

"Tony, wake up..." she murmured in a sing-song voice, "Come on, Tony...its Christmas!"

Tony lifted one eyelid, "Chrismus?" he grumbled, his speech slurred from fatigue

"Christmas Eve, technically," she told him, pulling the covers off of him, "It is already past noon, you need to get up."

He groaned like a little kid not wanting to go to school, covering his head with his pillow, "Five more minutes...I was up most of the night because _someone_ was sick." he complained, curling up into a ball for warmth, now that she'd taken his blankets

"I do not remember asking for your help," she took his pillow as well, leaving him totally exposed on the bed, "Gibbs said it is time to get up, one way or another you will be getting up. Do not make me force you!" she would have sounded a bit more intimidating if she weren't congested, making her voice weak and nasally, and pale as death.

"What are you going to do, sneeze on me?" he finally sat up, stretching, "I fear no phlegm! And whether you asked for it or not, you needed it." he knew she wouldn't admit it, but her illness was having a profound effect on her both physically and mentally, "Come on, do you really expect me to feel threatened by you? You look like you can barely stand."

"No, but I will play Abby's Christmas CD," she threatened, "The one where all of the songs are twice as fast as they are normally, and the voices are an octave higher?" she knew that one would work

"You wouldn't!" Tony had heard more than enough of Abby's chipmunk songs to last for a whole year, "No one's that cruel!"

"I am," she glared menacingly, "Now come, breakfast is ready."

* * *

Tony followed Ziva into the kitchen, "So, what's for breakfast?"

Gibbs was at the stove, dishing up food, "It _was_ oatmeal. But breakfast was four hours ago. _Lunch _is leek and potato soup." he offered them each a bowl, "Ziva, you take anything for that fever yet?"

"Yes," she lied, sipping at the soup

"Don't lie to me, David," he handed her the thermometer. Nothing got past him, and it only aggravated him when people tried, "Take your temperature, or I'll have you take it the baby way."

She turned to Tony, "What exactly is the 'baby way'?"

Tony spat out his mouthful of soup, "Trust me, you don't want to know. Just take it!"

Reluctantly she took it, with Gibbs watching her the whole time to make sure she didn't try anything. She handed it to him after a minute, "One-oh-five," he sighed, shaking it back down, "Yeah, you're definitely sick."

"Yes, but I have been eating soup! You just took it off the stove, it is still very hot," she insisted, "That is not accurate!"

"Bed, Ziva!" Gibbs ordered, "I'll bring you up medicine and soup. Tony, call Ducky. Tell him the party's off, and Ziva's got a high fever."

* * *

Ziva sat up in bed, completely miserable. Not only did Gibbs cancel the festivities, but it was all her fault. She knew for a fact that Abby would be disappointed. She'd been looking forward to this since Halloween, and the others had been looking forward to it for weeks.

"Ziva?" Ducky poked his head in, "Are you alright? Jethro said your fever is up to a hundred and five degrees." he sat down on the bed beside her, "If it does not go down, you may be spending the holidays in the hospital."

"I know," she sighed, "Perhaps that would be best. Gibbs can still have his party, and everyone can still come over. I honestly do not understand Christmas, nor do I celebrate it, do I would not be missing out on much."

"Don't think like that!" he scolded gently, "In spite of what you may be feeling right now, we do consider you to be important. The others will understand if you aren't doing well, and will probably be grateful that it was called off; I don't think any of them want to catch this nasty bug."

She looked at him, a bit confused, "There is a bug involved? Is that anything like a parasite?"

"No, no," he laughed, "a bug is a generic term for an illness. I don't know why they call it that, but it seems to have stuck over the years." he handed her a thermometer, "Here, let's see where we're at."

The area under her tongue was sore from having taken her temperature so many times, but she took it anyway, "There. Is that any better?"

"A hundred even is still a fever," he told her, feeling sorry for having to disappoint her, "Let me make you a deal. If you get some rest, and your fever goes back down, I will ask Jethro to revoke his cancellation of the party. But," he continued, "If you don't improve by tomorrow I will drive you to the hospital myself. Do we have an agreement?" he extended his hand, which she shook in agreement, "Good. Now get some sleep."

"How is it that I am the only one sick?" she whined. Sickness tended to bring out the worst in her. She didn't like it, and tried everything within her power to control it. But every time she got sick, without fail, she would become whinny and needy. "I am sorry, Ducky. I do not mean to be so...witchy?"

"Don't worry, you're not," he sighed, not bothering to correct her, "Tony is running a bit of a temperature, and of course, he blames you. He told me you licked him the other day. Now you wouldn't do such a thing, would you?" he smiled, already knowing the answer, "I'm sure he deserved it."

She nodded, feeling a bit bad for having gotten Tony sick. Especially since his bout with the plague, even a little cold could cause some serious fallout. "Is he going to be alright?"

"Yes, in good time."

* * *

Tony peered around the corner, checking to make sure Gibbs wasn't around. Probably working on the boat, down in the basement. It was a lot harder to tell if he was down there or not considering he didn't use any noisy power tools; he worked only with his hands.

Willing to take the risk, he ran up the stairs to Ziva's room. "Hey, Ziva?" he knocked on the door, "Can you let me in? I need to talk to you."

Ducky opened the door, "Hello, Tony. You can go on in, she's still awake in spite of my recommendations."

"Hi," he sat down on the bed next to her, "I've got a cold. I. Blame. You." he told her in a cold but light-hearted teasing manner

"I am sorry," she suddenly took great interest in her sheets, rubbing them nervously between her fingers. "It is not something I have control of."

"Hey," he put a hand on her shoulder, "Its not like you tried to. Besides, I had a feeling I'd catch it sooner or later." he had come in to check on her, maybe tease her a bit, but not to make her feel bad. She was already miserable enough without him adding to her stress, "Hey, since we're both already sick, so I don't have to worry about catching it from you, do you wanna go downstairs and watch a movie?"

She rolled her eyes, "What is it with you and movies?" she conceded, knowing if she didn't watch it with him he'd just give her a full synopsis, including the director's commentary after he watched it, "Alright, what did you have in mind?"

"A holiday classic," he told her merrily, "Actually, there are a lot of those. _Its a Wonderful Life, _great film. Christmas classic. You'd like it. Frank Capra's masterpiece. My mom and I would stay up every Christmas Eve, and watch it together. I could never last all the way through. When I'd wake up on the couch the next morning, I'd have presents waiting." he smiled, remembering one of the few fond memories of his childhood, "Oh, there's _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_! Another good one. Its only like twenty minutes. Its a cartoon though, they made a live action one that sucked; not Jim Carry's finest moment. The weird thing is, Boris Karlov narrates; he was Dracula in the classic..."

Ziva sat back, mostly tuning him out, "Are we going to watch these, or are you just going to tell me every line, allusion, and recount every insignificant second until I am forced to kill you?" she found her knife under her pillow, and used it to file her nails, knowing it would unnerve him

"Let's watch!"


	7. This sickly little twig

Ziva lay sprawled out on the couch, half on top of Tony. She was barely able to stay awake. The movie they were watching made no logical sense, and most of the dialog wasn't even made of real words. Little green men with a dog posing as a reindeer, stealing from a race of Christmas loving midgets, and eating 'roast beast'? What kind of a movie was this?

"Hey, Ziva!" Tony poked her, "Stay awake, okay?"

She groaned, brushing his hand aside, so that he would stop poking her, "You said I would like this movie. It is very confusing."

"Dr. Seuss confuses you?" it sort of made sense. It was confusing enough if English was your first language. For Ziva, trying to make sense out of nonsense, it was just a headache, "Okay, how about _Miracle on 34__th__ Street_?"

"No, no more movies," she groaned

"Okay, I'm all for laying here like a lump until New Year's!" he pulled the throw off the back of the couch and covered the two of them up

"You know, there is more than one blanket in the whole house," Gibbs said, standing less than two feet behind them, "If you're cold, I have more. You don't need to spoon"

Tony and Ziva instantly flew apart, much to Gibbs' amusement. He chuckled, "How ya feeling, Tony?"

"Not good, boss," Tony groaned, "First off, you just took probably four years off my life, thanks a lot. I don't think the head trauma is helping either. And I'm fighting the phlegm, but the phlegm is winning." he blew his nose into a tissue, and added the wadded kleenex to the large pile accumulating on the coffee table

"David?"

"Tired," was all she had the energy to say, laying her head on the arm rest as she closed her eyes

"Both of you, back to bed," he ordered gently, "If you want a snowball's chance in hell of having that party tomorrow, you need to rest." he took Ziva by the arm, leading her back upstairs, "Sleep is the best thing for you right now."

Ziva nodded, barely listening, but clearly trying, "It must get worse before it gets better, yes?"

"Something like that."

* * *

By the time he'd returned to the living room, Tony was already asleep on the couch. He sighed, "Come on, DiNozzo." he half carried, half dragged Tony down the hall to his room, "I do not have the energy to deal with you..." he unceremoniously tossed Tony onto the bed. Surprisingly, he didn't stir as he bounced on the bed, landing face down.

Tony reached for his pillow, covering his head with it, "Too bright..." he moaned

Gibbs looked out the window. The sun had finally emerged, its bright rays reflecting off the freshly fallen snow. The light glistened brilliantly through the icicles hanging from the gutters, and shone into the room. As much as he enjoyed the beautiful sight, he knew it was bothering Tony's eyes, so he closed the curtains, "Better?"

"No...the other light," he gestured in the general direction of the hall

Not seeing anything too bright, Gibbs tried shutting off the digital clock on the wall, "What about now?"

"Good," he smiled, "No more light."

"You got a fever, Tony?" Gibbs felt Tony's brow. You could cook an egg on his head

"Heh, yeah probably."

* * *

Ziva woke up nearly six hours later, still dressed and laying on top of the sheets. Feeling sick, but refreshed, she made her way downstairs. Gibbs was sitting on the couch, Jen and Abby on either side of him, "I take it that you decided to have the party?"

"Not sure yet," Gibbs didn't sound too surprised to hear her voice, "I'm not canceling Christmas, if that's what you mean. Guests or no guests, there will be a Christmas."

"Ah, I suppose that is good. What is it you are doing?" Ziva sat down in the overstuffed armchair across from them

"We're making garlands," Abby held up a string of popcorn kernels, "Wanna help?"

"As long as you don't eat them," Jen smiled, "Tony offered to 'help' but every time we'd finish a strand, Tony would be at the other end, munching at it." the popcorn they were using was stale and ancient, but that didn't slow Tony down a bit

"Hey, it was good!" Tony lumbered in from the kitchen, carrying mugs of hot cocoa, "You never said we weren't allowed to eat it."

They each took a mug, setting them on the coffee table to cool, "I see, so why popcorn?" Ziva asked

"I have no idea," Gibbs told her honestly, "Their idea, not mine."

"Alright," Ziva gave it a try, stringing on a few pieces, "What do we do with it once we have...whatever we end up with?"

"You put it on the tree, silly," Abby smiled, "We have to decorate, its Christmas Eve! And Grinchy Gibbs didn't have a tree up yet!"

"So...where is the tree?" Jen asked, noticing its absence

"Palmer and McGee were supposed to be getting one," Abby said, "I'm getting kinda worried, they've been gone a while." she looked out the window, to see if they'd returned yet, "They're back! And they...got this sickly little twig! McGee!"

McGee walked proudly to the door, carrying the pathetic little tree, "We found one!" he announced

"Okay, Charlie Brown," Tony laughed, "You've got some explaining to do!"

Palmer followed McGee in, rubbing his hands together for warmth, "Well, the first 'lot' we tried turned out to be private property, and we got shot at. The second lot had a bunch of dead ones. And the third lot started at thirty bucks a tree. So we found this one at the fourth lot, all by itself! We were the only ones there, and it was just going to get turned into compost."

"So we decided to give it a good home," McGee told them, "What do you think?"

"I think that it is a lovely tree, Jimmy," Ziva smiled, not quite sure what to make of the wilting sapling

"Thanks!" Palmer started to set up the stand, since there was no way that this tree would stand on its own

"I think it has personality," Jen said, looking over the tree, "And if you turn it around like this," she rotated it around, "Its not...too awful."

"McStocking, I hate to break it to you," Tony sighed, rubbing his eyes, "But I am actually worried that if I sneeze, I'll kill that thing. Ziva's never even _seen_ a real tree, and the Director's too nice. Its a twig with flocking, Probie."

"Tree stays, DiNozzo," Gibbs told him, "McGee, you tried your best." he reassured the younger agent

"Thank you boss, but it was actually Jimmy's pick."

"It was that of a fake one, and its just not Christmas without a real tree," Jimmy added water to the stand, not that it would help much. It was already losing needles faster than they could sweep them, "I like it."

* * *

AN: Reviews make me happy! Sorry for the slow update, heat wave knocked out power.


	8. I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause

AN: I know its short, but I've been really busy with doctor's appointments and other crap, so this will hopefully pacify the more belligerent reviewers of mine.

Oh, I've decided to start naming chapters. Let me know what you think

* * *

Ducky sat adjacent to the fireplace in Gibbs' overstuffed armchair, looking very much like he belonged there. He was in story telling mode, with the remainder of the team packed onto the couch. Tony and Ziva were sandwiched in the middle, with Abby, Palmer and McGee huddled in close around them. Ducky smiled with amusement as they shifted, trying to make the crowded situation more comfortable, but they'd decided it was worth it to hear Ducky's telling of _The Night Before Chritmas._

"Right then, is everyone comfortable?" he chucked, not missing Ziva's elbow jabbing into Tony's side, "Enough roughhousing, go ahead and settle down."

Abby shoved McGee over, sitting up in his lap with her hands folded in her lap like a good little girl, "Go ahead, Ducky!"

"Alright...'_'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse..._'" Duck began

Gibbs walked in, rolling his eyes. Being a parent, he knew this tale by heart, and knew it would take all of five minutes to read. Or at least it would for anyone but Ducky. He would probably go into every insignificant detail; an exhaustive concordance of the story, probably taking up the better part of an hour to finish. "Fruitcake?" he offered, setting the brick on the table

Ziva leaned forward, eying it critically, "What is 'fruitcake'?" she took a little piece, and brought it closer for further inspection, "What are these...things in it?" she picked out an odd clump of something gooey and green, holding it up to the light

"Its a whimsical little treat, made by elves who tried and failed to make fruit into candy," Tony told her, only partially paying attention, "Trust me, its good!" he turned his focus away from Ducky long enough to watch her face contort, "See? Magical, isn't it?"

She lurched, fighting to keep it down, "That is one of the worst things I have ever eaten!"

"Worse than the maggots?" McGee asked incredulously before Abby jabbed him to get him quiet again

"Yes," she decided after a brief moment of thought, "Definitely."

* * *

"...'_Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!'"_ Ducky finished, setting the book down. He turned his focus to the couch, where his audience had fallen asleep in a compacted heap on the couch, "Jethro, I think we've lost them."

"Nah," Gibbs sighed, "We never had 'em." he threw an extra couple of blankets over them, surprised that they were able to fall asleep in such contorted positions. He reached over, checking Tony and Ziva's fevers, "They're normal for now." _'Since when have they ever been normal?' _he mentally added

A sharp knock on the door thankfully didn't wake the sleeping agents. Ducky stood up and stretched before answering the door, "Jennifer, you missed my story!"

Jen stood in the doorway, shivering as she brushed the snow off her jacket, "Sorry about that, Ducky. Its a blizzard out there. I'm just glad metro decided to take our case. At least that scout master's family has some solace this season," she tossed Gibbs a set of keys, "Thanks for letting me borrow the truck. It saved me a lot of time." she walked in and took Ducky's vacant seat by the fire, "Everyone's are in the back. Hopefully, the tree will make it until morning," she glanced over at the sad little tree, drooping under the weight of the ornaments and garlands. Its browning needles dropping faster by the minute, collecting on the floor, "Can't we just put it out of its misery?"

Gibbs shook his head, "It'll be out of here by noon tomorrow if it doesn't burn the house down by then," he ran out to th truck, bringing in the first load of gifts, "I'm guessing these are from Abby's place?" he carried in a large box of gifts that spoke more of Halloween than Christmas. The gifts were wrapped in paper that was black with silver glitter, and covered in more tape than paper, "Geez, how does she expect us to get these open?"

"My guess is, she doesn't," Ducky found a tag on one of the gifts, written in Abby's hand, "_No peeking! This means you, Tony!"_

Jen smiled, "I don't think she needed to worry too much. Jethro was guarding them." Gibbs looked at her oddly, making her flash a smile, "The dog, not you."

"Ah, how is that old boy doing?" Ducky smiled, hauling in the next load

"Very...lively," Jen told him, showing a light bite on her arm, "He didn't bite too hard, and once he realized who I was, he let go." Gibbs moved over to her side, checking her over, "I'm fine, Jethro. He didn't even break skin."

"Okay," he let go slowly, but her hand lingered in his for a moment after, "Hey, look up."

She didn't even have to look to know what was there. A spring of mistletoe hung from the doorway, with one berry left. Gibbs reached up and plucked it, "Where did all the rest go?" Jen asked, remembering that there were more there earlier

"How'd you think DiNozzo got sick?" Gibbs chuckled, glancing over at Tony and Ziva, sleeping peacefully in each other's arms

Jen laughed softly, draping her arms around Gibbs' shoulders, "Merry Christmas, Jethro," she kissed him softly, grateful for his warmth on the cold winter's night. She closed her eyes, reveling in the sensation before he sharply broke away, interrupted by an outcry from behind them

"Whoo!" Abby whooped, "Go bossman!"

"Abigail!" Ducky admonished, "Go to bed!" he directed her down the hall to the guest room, "Santa Clause won't come if you aren't asleep!"

Abby stood up, and yawned, poking McGee, "Come on, Timmy. We're going to bed," she shoved him a bit harder, trying to get him up

"Abby...I _was_ asleep," he groaned, forcing himself off the couch, careful not to wake anyone else

"Come on, bed!" Abby grabbed him by the wrist, half-dragging him down the hall. As she passed Gibbs and the Director, still standing under the mistletoe, she began to softly sing, "_I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause! Underneath the mistletoe last night!"_


	9. Don't save it all for Christmas Day

AN: I just had to update this, because right now, its _**HOT!**_ Its so hot that our thermometer on the front step exploded (the highest it goes is 110 F). And we don't have AC, so its still 92 in our house at 11pm, so my brain is fried...please excuse my spelling/grammar FUBARs.

Oh, I didn't have all the team opening all their presents (that would have taken forever), but hopefully its still readable and enjoyable

* * *

"Its Christmas!" Abby threw the door open a little too hard, making it slam into the wall. She heard McGee groaning, covering his head with the pillows. She closed the bedroom door behind her, ignoring McGee as she went to wake up the household

Jen followed Gibbs down the stairs, hearing the commotion from below. She smiled watching Abby run around happily, surveying what "Santa" had left. She felt a bit sorry for Ducky though, caught up in Abby's holly jolly warpath, "I think she's a bit excited."

"Ya think?" Gibbs laughed, watching from a safe distance on the landing

"Ducky, Happy Christmas!" she smiled, shaking Ducky awake

"And Happy Christmas to you, but you are confusing Scotland and England, dear," he chuckled, stretching out his muscles, sore from having fallen asleep in the chair, "However, the two sayings are generally synonymous. Interestingly-"

"Yeah, yeah, that's great Ducky!" she cut him off, turning her attention to the two turtle doves roosting on the couch, "Tony, Ziva, get up!" she yanked the covers off of them, leaving them exposed on the couch, gripping each other for warmth, "Oh, come on! Its Christmas, guys, you can't just stay in bed...well, on the couch."

"I think you'll find that we can," Ziva muttered, her body feeling about twice its normal weight, with her at half her normal strength. "I am sick, Abby, leave me alone to die..."

"You guys are pathetic!" she rolled her eyes at them, "Don't you want to see what you got?" she picked up Ziva's stocking from the mantle, holding it just out of her reach, "Tempting, huh?"

Tony snatched it from Abby's unsuspecting hands, "Let's see here...running socks? You shouldn't have..." he smiled

"Not yours, Tony," Abby took it back and handed the stocking to Ziva, "You've got one too, so go steal your own swag."

"But if its his own, how can he steal it?" Ducky pointed out, handing out stockings to their respective owners, "Back when I was a lad, things were simpler. We would awake on Christmas morning to find fruit in our stockings. And we always hoped for oranges! We thought it was quite the treat; whereas today candy is the standard." from his own stocking, he pulled out a tiny version of the game _Operation,_ "Ah, hardly a test of skill, but fun none the less!"

Gibbs walked down into the living room, watching his team invade their goods, "Santa do good this year?"

"I think so," Jen smiled pulling a bar of chocolate from her own spoils

"Good," he approached the sickly little tree, wilting pitifully, "Can we put this thing out of its misery?" he was met with a unanimous chorus of agreement, and he snapped the brittle thing in half, adding it to the fire burning in the hearth

* * *

"Let's see..." Gibbs picked up a large gift from on top of the pile near where the tree once not so proudly stood, "Since this is Ziva's first Christmas, I think she gets to go first."

Ziva eyed the box critically, "I am guessing that this one is from Tony, yes?" she didn't even have to check the tag to know

"How can you tell?" he asked innocently

"Well, for starters, who else would wrap gifts with Playboy bunny wrapping paper?" she pulled the bow off the top, taping it to Tony's head, "Not to mention the fact that it is addressed to 'ninja girl'." she smirked

"You got me," he shrugged, adjusting his bow, "Now open it."

Within the box, she found a series of several smaller ones tucked one inside the other. After four boxes, she was starting to get a bit frustrated, "Is there anything actually in here?"

"Honestly, no," Tony grinned, procuring her real gift from his backpack in the corner, "I just thought it would be funny to see how long you'd put up with it."

Abby continued what Ziva had started, opening several more boxes, "Wow, how many did you put in there?" she admired his dedication, but the environmentalist in her was having a mental tantrum over how much paper he'd wasted. When she finally reached the end, she found a note with a smiley face:

_Haha, got ya! :)_

"Twelve? Thirteen? Somewhere around there." he handed Ziva her present, also wrapped in Playboy wrappings, "Here. This one's real, I promise."

"Your word means nothing," Ziva glared at him, not trusting him very much at the moment. "Wow..." was all she could manage

"Well, let's see!" Ducky urged, "What do you have there?"

She handed Ducky her gift; a photo album, filled with years of memories. Some of them were older, before she'd joined the team. One that made them all laugh was the memory of McGee, that fateful day of what Gibbs called 'close combat training'. A fight with Kate that ended with McGee in a crumpled heap on the floor, clutching his manhood. Another priceless moment was from the haunted _Chimera, _of Tony and his rat. "Where did you get all of these?" Ziva smiled, flipping through the years

"Believe it or not, my attention span is longer than that of a budgie, Ziva," Tony reminded her

"I think that would be an insult to the bird," Gibbs chuckled, taking a present from Jen, "Let's see, David?" he looked over at her questioningly, "Because you're sick, whatever's in here, I won't slap you."

"That means a lot," Tony whispered to her, "Take what you can get!"

Gibbs opened the little package, surprised by the contents, "Where the hell did you find this, Ziva?" he held in his hand a small antique compass. It was a bit faded from time and wear, but still possessed a simple beauty to it

"My uncle found it along the Mediterranean." she explained, "For some reason, he passed it on to me. He thinks it is Roman, but it is very old, so I have no idea. I thought that with your boats, you would find a use for it."

He flipped it over, finding a date engraved on the back, "Hey, Duck," he passed it carefully to Ducky, "Can you read that?"

Ducky adjusted his glasses, "Ziva's right; it is Roman. I'm a bit rusty, but I can make out a date. 1305, good heavens! Columbus wasn't even born!"

"That's gotta be worth something!" McGee noted, a diehard fan of the _Antiques Roadshow_

"Older than you are, boss!" Tony smirked, earning a smack from Ziva. He hacked a bit, not earning any sympathy from his colleagues, "Did they have compasses on Pangaea?" he managed between coughs

Gibbs glared at him, "Oh, you're lucky there are witnesses...otherwise..."

"I'll help you get rid of the evidence," Abby laughed, "Who's next?"

"Well, considering that you'll probably either go crazy, or drive us that way before too long," Jen handed Abby a gift, "Careful, this one's heavy!"

Abby carefully took it, checking the tag, "This one's from Ducky..." she ripped into it happily, "Oh, sweet!" she held up a bowling ball, blood red in color with a black vampire bat imprinted on the side with her name engraved in silver on the wings, "I love it!" she dropped the ball, which narrowly missed landing on Ducky's foot, wrapping him in a huge hug

"I though you would, dear," he returned the hug happily

* * *

By the end of the morning, most of the gifts had been exchanged. Tony had received a dozen or so DVDs, a generous gift card to Blockbuster, and a Magnum style Hawaiian shirt, complements of Ziva. McGee got a new typewriter and a pipe from Ducky and a swiss army knife from Gibbs, who cited rule nine. Ducky chuckled as he unwrapped a journal and an encyclopedia set circa 1800. "Are you trying to prove a point, Jeniffer?" he asked with a gleam in his eye

"Perhaps?" she coyly answered. Her gifts were hardly practical; apparently her coworkers thought she needed a life. She'd received a virtual pet, _the Sims _for her computer and an oversized coffee mug.

Ziva shrugged into a sweater that was obviously too small for her, "McGee, I am glad that you do not think of me as fat, but I think I am stuck!"

Gibbs grabbed the bottom, trying to pull the tight garment over her head, "Hang on," he pulled hard, "You pull one way, I'll pull the other."

"Ow, ow!" she pulled in the opposite direction, feeling the garment compress her chest, "McGee, I am not an extra small, and I probably never will be!"

"I'm sorry," McGee sighed, regretting his decision. "But if I'd have gotten you something larger, you would have thought that I assumed you were...you know, big?"

"Here, let me," Tony offered, "Trust me, I can get any woman out of tight clothes, even Ziva!" he chuckled, sending Ziva into an enraged frenzy. His plan worked, seeing as her thrashing freed her from the constricting sweater, "See? Told ya!"

Tony bolted down the hall, Ziva at his heels. Abby followed at a distance, cheering them on. Gibbs shook his head in disbelief, "You'd think he'd learn by now."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?" Jen smiled

"Something like that."


	10. Merry Christmas to all!

AN: I know it's after Christmas, but we've had a nasty storm that knocked out power and internet. If anyone who reads this is offended by my views of Christmas, keep in mind, this isn't to be taken too seriously.

* * *

"Yay, caroling!" Abby squealed with delight, "Are we gonna go around the neighborhood, door to door, you know, like the good old days?"

Ducky placed a hand on her shoulder, "No, I should think not. First of all, considering it's twenty degrees outside, none of us should be going out, much less those of us who are ill. Secondly, I think all of us would much rather stay inside and eat, drink and be merry and warm than sing for strangers."

Gibbs searched through his old file cabinets, finding his old copies of Christmas carols. He blew off the fine layer of dust. These hadn't been touched in over fifteen years, but taking them out again warmed a layer of his heart he didn't even know was cold. "Okay, everyone grab a copy."

"Ziva, since you've got a sore throat, would you like to accompany us?" Jen asked, indicating the piano in the corner.

She shrugged, "I could give it a try. However, I have never played Christmas carols before, so I will be learning as I go." as she sat down, adjusting the bench for her height, Tony took a seat beside her, "Tony, I did not know that you could play?"

"I can't really," he admitted, "But I can do this!" he repeatedly began to hit the same key to the rhythm of "Jingle Bells" before Ziva slapped his hand away, "Ow!"

"Just...behave?" she sighed with frustration.

"Yeah, good luck with that Ziva," McGee told her sincerely.

Ziva took a breath and gave it a shot. It wasn't perfect by any means, but neither was the singing. After a few verses of "Joy to the World", McGee was officially banned for life from caroling. Abby even taped his mouth shut, placing a bow over his sealed lips, and put a tag on him reading "Do not open until long after Christmas!"

About half-way through "Jingle Bells", Ziva stopped playing. "I am sorry, but I am confused. What does Batman have to do with Christmas? Is he one of the reindeer?"

"I'm sorry?" Ducky asked, completely lost.

"Batman. Tony keeps singing about Batman. Jingle bells, Batman smells, and a robin laid an egg. The batmobile lost a wheel and a joker got away, yes?" she looked at the others in confusion.

"It's a parody Ziva," Jen explained, "Tony thinks he's being funny." she Gibbs-slapped Tony on the back of the head.

"Hey, Santa's watching!" Tony protested.

"He already came, Tony!" Abby reminded him.

"He's still watching. He's always watching..."

* * *

"Dinner is served!" Ducky proudly announced. Forgoing the more traditional Christmas dinner, the group settled for a more laid back meal, lounging in the living room, watching the snow fall.

"This goose is good, Duck," Gibbs mumbled, his mouth stuffed with food.

"Thank you Jethro, but the recipe is actually one that Ziva gave to me," he handed Gibbs a napkin, shaking his head. "Manners are more of guidelines anyway I suppose..."

From the other room, a sneeze, a crash, then a shout echoed through the house, practically shaking the rafters. Everyone exchanged glances, put down their plates, and ran into the study to find out what all the commotion was about.

Abby sat brooding in the corner while McGee cleaned up the wooden tiles on the floor, his lips still taped shut. "We got it to like four feet! He sneezed while I was making a move, that doesn't count!"

"What is this?" Ziva picked up one of the tiles, "What is 'Jenga'?"

Tony helped McGee reset then pulled out the first tile, setting it on the top. "It's a game, Ziva. You know, something that people do for _fun_? You try to get it as high as you can, pulling out the little bricks until someone knocks it over." he looked over at McGee, pulling the tape and bow off of his lips, "I thought loser rests the game?"

"Heh, good luck with that." he looked over at Abby, still glaring daggers at him.

"I see." Ziva reached over, sliding one of the bricks out. The tower wobbled precariously, leaning off to the side. Everyone watched in amazement as the tower still stood, "Your turn, McGee."

Nervously eying the tower, McGee gulped loudly. He tried to look for a safe move, but when the tower was already slanted, but somehow still standing, there really wasn't one. "I'm screwed."

"Yep." Tony agreed. "Well, get it over with!"

Reluctantly, he pulled out a tile. Miraculously, it corrected the slant, and the tower still stood. "Ha!" he placed it on the top next to Ziva's tile, "Your turn, Tony!"

"Hm..." Tony began tapping each brick, trying to find a good loose one. After about ten minutes of this, Ziva threw her shoe at the tower, toppling it. "Hey!"

"I lose." she announced. "I do not care either, I just want to go eat."

The others followed Ziva back, where everyone else was still eating, talking, and laughing. "Well?" Jen asked, "Who won?"

"Ziva lost." Tony told her, "Threw her shoe at it."

"Might I ask why?" Ducky chuckled.

"No."

* * *

After their meal, everyone lay practically comatose on the couches. All feuding was forgotten and no one seemed to feel like doing much of anything. Ducky offered to go and slice up the pumpkin pie, but he had no takers. "Ugh, I'm not eating again until New Year's." McGee groaned.

"Yeah, good luck with that McMuffin-top." Tony teased. Ziva, who lay half-way on top of him hit him. Rather than slapping his head, she hit his stomach, knowing his cryptonite. "Ziva, you hit my gut again, and I'll puke on you."

"You would not dare." she challenged.

"Now, now." Ducky admonished gently, "It's Christmas. A time for peace on Earth, good will to all men."

"But I can kill him in ten minutes, yes?" she looked at the clock, ten minutes to midnight.

"I suppose..." Ducky shook his head, "My boy, if I were you I'd start running now."

"Eh, I'd rather die full and lazy than running from a crazy little ninja chick until I pass out and die." off Ziva's look, he explained, "I'm tired, okay? Hey, if Jesus is the 'king of the Jews' why don't you guys celebrate Christmas?"

Before Ziva could answer, Gibbs cut her off, "No! This is Christmas. We are _not_ having a religious debate!"

"But, Christmas is about as P.C. as you can get!" Abby argued, "It's Christian theology and traditions, pagan customs, celebrating the birth of the king of the Jews and a Muslim prophet!"

"I...never thought of it that way." McGee said, taking it all in, "Merry Christmas everyone."

* * *

AN: Merry Christmas all! Finally, it's done!


End file.
